It’s been nearly two months, I've thought about you a few times (once or twice) but every time I realized I didn’t really need you to feel beautiful or normal. In-fact it was you who wasn’t normal for me. With my African roots and your Brazilian background how could that even be? You’re a Eurocentric social construct I was institutionalized and socialized into
that made me feel like I needed you to feel that way.
However - knowing all of that, still, here I am having a string of continuous bad days and I think of you. Hello old friend . Today I don't want anyone to stop me in the street, No more surprise “oh my word I finally get to see it in person” , “oh my word your face stands out now” reactions. Standing out is the last thing I want today. I want to blend into the walls and go under the radar. And who do I turn to for my introverted pleasure? Oh hello old friend.
Obviously I feel beautiful with you by my side, you’ve been with me so long. I mean how could I forget you? you were my smoke screen, my go-to when I didn’t want to wear make up but still look presentable. You enhanced me girl! Who was there for me me hanging on my lamp after every wash, curl, straighten and dye and continued to blow in the wind with such lush for me? Oh hello old friend! Yes sure I spent an arm an leg for you but girl your commitment, your fluidity - the way you naturally become on my décolletage and tickle my lower lumber (inches!) , your continuous showing up! I had to personify you. not a lot of humans could even show up the way you do girl! Oh the vanity of it all. But is it? I want to go out and feel beautiful. but I also want to have less conversations about what I look like leading to unwarranted advances (most of the time) from humans (predominantly men) who don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves and just enjoy being with my friends and you’d think the perfect way to avoid such is to look like everyone else in the room. (I repeat - you’d think).
Alas - here I am, here we are. I have washed you, I have blow dried you straight (extra volume) added some silicone for sheen and tonight I’m going to dawn you like I did on so many occasions. Tonight we party, and as per usual, you do you and I do me but in vanity I guess it’s always we. Old friend.
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