Violet (Sanaa Lathan), a successful advertising executive dating a doctor named Clint (Ricky Whittle) for two years seemingly has it all together. Violet that’s very close with her mother (Lynn Whitfield) who has only ever wanted Violet to be the perfect daughter which to her meant straight silky hair resembling most of Violet’s peers who were predominantly white. Violet’s hair constantly being straightened, steering away from water, humidity, continuously checking the weather before leaving the house, waking up extra early to hot comb her hair then jump into bed with perfect hair just in time for her boyfriend to wake up to her perfectly laid hair, putting her hair in place during sex so her boyfriend wouldn’t mess it up meant she lead a very controlled anxiety stricken life.
The beginning of Violets breaking point is her birthday when she expects Clint to propose to her only for him to gift her with a puppy. Once they get home Violet and Clint have a confrontation to which Clint says the reason he didn’t ask her to marry him is because he doesn’t know her past her perfection, she always has perfect hair always doing the right thing never loosening up to enjoy herself thus he doesn’t actually know her enough to want to marry her and dating her has felt like a two year long first date to which she responds to by not processing what he has said instead breaking up with him because she didn’t get the proposal she wanted.
After an incident with relaxer at a salon prior to the break up even with a weave installed her hair was still falling out. So she starting chopping and changing between hairstyles exploring different sides or personalities each hairstyle would evoke out of her until one drunken night on her way home a seemingly eye opening conversation with her Uber driver leads to her to go to the hospital Clint works at in a bid to win him back she arrives to find him with another woman who happens to be his colleague. She rushes home heart broken and decides to shave all of hair off. When she awakes in the morning she can’t believe what her drunken self has done and the first person she calls is her mother who has a panic attack of her own once she sees her bald daughter.
Violet has been wearing a wrap around her head at work because of how ashamed she is and eventually has a breakdown in the work bathroom stalls, a woman in the bathroom suggest she goes to her support group, Violet attends only to find it is a cancer support group, in that moment Violet realizes that in the grand scheme of things she is healthy, alive and her situation could be worse more so after the group leader lets her voice out her frustration and gives her words of support. After this Violets confidence grows as she starts to own her look. She begins making big life changes like dating the owner of the hair salon she had the incident with the relaxer Will (Lyriq Bent) and forms a bond with his motherless young daughter, Zoe (Daria Johns) and quits her job she has now become frustrated with now that what the company and what she stands for are no longer aligned.
After quitting her job Violet has a moment of release where she just loosens up and dances and Clint walks in pleasantly surprised as he has never seen this side of her and follows by apologizing for ever making her feel like there was anything wrong with her and wishes he had fought for her, the two reconcile and she gets the proposal she wanted the very next morning! They plan to marry in three months. During this time, Violet maintains the close relationship she shares with Zoe (Wills daughter) and invites her to her engagement party, where she will be meeting Clint’s parents for the first time.
Prior to the party Clint asks Violet to change her hair (straighten it) as he needs everything to be ‘perfect’. This obviously upsets Violet who has finally begun to let go of the hold her hair and had on her and her perception of herself, all for the very same person who told her she was ‘too perfect’ to tell her to change it back to what he said he didn’t like when it’s time to meet his parents – she complies anyway. From Clint’s parents being cold, Violet’s mother questioning Zoe’s presence and Violet still being upset at the request Clint made regarding her hair, everything became too much for her so she disappears into the house. Once found by Clint and her parents she eventually confronts her mother for never standing up for her or giving her a healthy example to look up to in terms of loving herself just the way she is and how she wishes she didn’t care what people thought of her. Reflecting on childhood memories of being prohibited to swim because of her mother's fear it would expose the true nature of her hair, she jumps in the pool in an act of self- acceptance. She is joined by Zoe, other party guests, and her parents, who reconcile their relationship. Violet looks back to Clint who does not join her in the pool; she then turns and swims away.
This moment is pivotal as Violet finally accepts herself and doesn’t care what other people think including Clint and his parents she was initially nervous about impressing. After this moment of bravery and release Violet’s career begins to look up. She reconciles with Will who encouraged her to love herself as much as he loved her just the way she is.
This movie is something most women of colour can relate to as we all know the difficulties that come with having and maintaining silky straight hair, we have all dodged the rain like the plague, have had emotional breakdowns at the salon, scars from being burnt by the harsh chemicals, styling our hair in order to fit into our environment be it work, school or society in general, hair falling out, headaches from braiding, sleepless nights from braiding , basically losing brain cells from hitting our heads so hard out of an itchy fit and making sure to not actually scratch in order to preserve the hairstyle itself and all of this is usually passed on from woman who also had other woman who had a certain idea of what hair should look like onto them too thus its generations of projecting insecurities onto the next. It’s an emotional roller coaster honestly.
The big chop isn’t an easy task because to many girls of colour it’s not ‘just hair’ especially on your first cut. I also cried on my big chop. Do I suggest it? Yes! Why? To break the cycle, once you feel you don’t need hair the less chances there are you’ll force the idea on your daughter or sons too. They’ll be less critical of themselves and their hair, instead you’ll be passing down confidence that doesn’t need to be permed or blow dried, it will come from within, no man will able to tell your daughter anything about how she looks! All because of the positive hair and overall body image you have instilled. It’s a feeling of instant anxiety release then self- discovery once you start to own the look.
Yes you’ll have days when you question it or just simply feel like having a wig on and that’s okay! You're not betraying anyone. Grow your hair, cut it the grow it again. I vehemently believe the big chop is something a woman needs to go through at least once in her life.
A great message and watch indeed!
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